Future Innovation

[jberks]

We all know about the technological marvels that the manufacturers are coming up with, but what about some more light hearted drivers aids,
for example
The BMW "arsetronic" - An adaption of the Mercedes distronic system, that permits the vehicle to travel within 2" of the car in front. Available with optional flashtronic which automatically flashes the headlights in an increasingly agressive way until the vehicle in front moves over.
.....

 

[Blobcat]

Facetronic* - allows men to shave or women to apply makeup whilst driving, saving valuable microseconds from your day.


*n.b care must be taken to preset gender to avoid any mishaps

 

[television]

Well with that Lexus system I put up this morning you can do what you like, and you do not need to be in the car.

 

[Trophy1200]

Have to go for a Lexus next time.
Send the car to work and stay in bed.

 

[television]

Have to go for a Lexus next time.
Send the car to work and stay in bed.

Just make sure that there are white lines all the way and you can

 

[anyweb]

i'd be interested in the 'oilatronic'

visualise this

Problem:-

you are driving in the 'fast' lane, overtaking some trucks (say 5) and you are at but not exceeding the roads speed limit.
Mr 'I'm_in_sales_and_this_is_my_new_company_car_bmw_crap' drives right up your lane 1 millimetre from your back bumper and then proceeds to FLASH his headlights repeatedly, again and again.

Solution:-

Press the 'oilatronic' button on your rear view mirror (cos that's where you see the plonker clearly), and watch as his distance from your clean bumper eases.

ah, if only....

 

[type49]

B M W

















******

















mindless




















****er
Only joking of course

 

[Myros]

I've been working on the

Couldn'tgiveamonkey'satronic. It is fitted to our 300TE, and maintains a legal and safe road speed whenever the munchkins are in the car, and regardless of whatever arestronically equipped motor is following.

Benefits are the promotion of a feeling of moral superiority over any chav-like follower. and everyone else as well.

 

[angus falconer]

I would like lane-change-tronic which automatically ensures your car changes lane each time you pass a SPECS camera therefore allowing you to avoid any speeding fines/points.

 

[angus falconer]

I would also like all cars in future to incorporate lane-hog-tronic. This would make sure all cars reverted to left the inside and/or middle lanes of any motorway of dual carriageway after they had overtaken a vehicle.

Can you imagine what a joy that would be?

People attempting to override this facility would be dealt with by reasonably severe electric shocks.

 

[Myros]

Angus , what about a Lardotronic

which oinks when you are near some decent porkpies, and howls when you are approaching a Morr*sons. It could also burp when near a decent pub.
I think we already have one though, and it's me-shaped.

 

[type49]

"Rubbernecktronic". This feature enables drivers to look where they're going whilst still maintaining the same speed! Not to be confused with "Tunnenvisiontronic" which is fitted to a lot of BMWs.

 

[television]

Many cars seem to have linguadistractronic sitting in the passenger seat

 

[type49]

Many cars seem to have linguadistractronic sitting in the passenger seat

That's what your spare switch space is for ....

Ejector seat.

 

[angus falconer]

How about fuelatronic. A feature that makes your car pull left every time you pass a filling station.

Oh....hang on...I've got that already

 

[angus falconer]

I would like fogotronic fitted to all new cars. Basically if a driver can't be arsed to demist his or her windows and mirrors the immobiliser should kick in and prevent them from movinf off

 

[Myros]

superfogtronic

so that those drivers who can't be bothered to switch off their fog lights in clear conditions, find themselves srrounded by a car sized fog bank.

and sirentronic,

a device that automatically switches off the mobile drum and bass concert, and removes the Oakley sunglasses from the driver, when an emergency vehicle with blues and twos engaged is in the vicinity. they might work out what to do if they can hear and see it coming ( although I don't hold out much hope)

 

[television]

so that those drivers who can't be bothered to switch off their fog lights in clear conditions, find themselves srrounded by a car sized fog bank.

In countries like Sweden its a hefty fine to use them with no fog

 

[Trophy1200]

From memory fog lights should be turned off where there are street lights according to the Highway Code.

 

[angus falconer]

Flash-o-tronic would make sure that the left or right indicator came on some distance before the driver made a turn.

Handy.......